Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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