How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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