Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
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