She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
