She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
