we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
