so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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