What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
