i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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