thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
