love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
