I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
