Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
