I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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