Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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