16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
