Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
