I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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