since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
