I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
