Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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