I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
