Plan B is the new Plan A
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
