I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
