Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
