apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
