frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
