I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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