I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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