Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
