What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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