i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
