you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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