My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
