So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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