So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
