I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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