oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
