either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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