Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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