so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
