I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
