you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
