I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
