I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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