shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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