the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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