I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
