either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
