we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Everyone says I win the strip club
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
