This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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