It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
