I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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