He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
