I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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