At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
nutella sex= disaster
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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