I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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