I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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