dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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