im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
