i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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