Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How does one acquire holy water?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
