At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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