He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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