Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every concussion has its silver lining
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
